Friday, March 24, 2017

I'd like a refill please

I love being a nurse. On occasion I love it so much I feel selfish because It heals my soul to help others in their time of need.  I love being a mom, but giving insulin, going to IEP meetings, and worrying about my teenagers is hard.  I love going to school and learning, but studying after a full days work is hard.
Even when we love our job, we cant pour from an empty cup. We cant rely on others to refill us. We cant count on others to bring us happiness because it is no one else's job to take care of me, but me.
My therapy, my refill is the gym, the barbell, even the pain. The sweat, feeling my heart pound, lifting the weight off the ground and increasing my physical strength increases my inner strength. Hearing the plates hit the floor, this is my therapy, it fills me up where nothing else can reach. No words, no ones actions can refill me like the barbell. It is solitude, and it is clarity. It is head vs heart, I am my only competition, I am just me, I can let go.
 People come and go in our lives, people will disappoint us, people change, people lie, but it is no one else's job to take care of me but me. The one place I can refill is the gym. The gym is always there. It is a guarantee that it will give back to me what I put in. It is my therapy. The gym is my therapy. When life gets busy, the first thing I let go of is my love, my therapy, the gym. I feel defeated, and tired, and I want to climb into bed, but I need to refill. I need to take care of me, I need to let it all out in the one place that will always be there waiting for me. The gym. I refuse to let go of this, no matter how tired I get. This is one time I get to put myself first. Refill, so I can pour from myself as a nurse, as a mom, and a student.

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