Sunday, February 15, 2015

   As time passes, with every word spoken, and every broken heart you learn the difference between a helping hand and breaking ones spirit. Dependence isn't found in love, and crowds don't mean security. Full of grace, and eyes forward you swallow the grief  knowing that embraces aren't eternal, passion does not bring promises. Learning to build your foundation on the right now because the ground of tomorrow is not certain and dreams have a way of crashing. With each passing moment you learn that even the sunshine rays burn if you lay there too long. So planting your own seeds to bloom in your soul without waiting for someone to bring you flowers that wilt and you learn. You learn you are strong. You learn how to push forward. With every disappointment, with every judgment passed you learn you are enough, you are worthy and your fire continues to burn and time continues to pass.

Tuesday, February 10, 2015

This thing called life.

September 7, 2007 a grenade went off. Wounded, I laid there for years. I didn't need to lay there that long, but I was afraid to look up. As the dust settled,
I slowly sat up and assessed the damage. Stood up, brushed off the dust. Time to move on. January 8, 2015 a bomb went off. Diabetes. My babies body had turned on itself. Forever dependent on insulin. Forever living with a life and death responsibility. I'm not new to being knocked down. I understand that I will do this. Not always with grace, not always with confidence. I will do it. I have to. God did not give this to me because I can handle it. I'm no stronger than you reading this. I throw fits. I fail. I fail my friends, my family, myself. This happened because the world is imperfect. Because our human bodies are imperfect. Not because I can handle this more than the next person. I can handle this because I have to.  One thing I have learned is people are good. We are all imperfect but we are good. Everyone of us was born to love each other and help each other. Life is hard. Getting knocked down sucks. If I could take diabetes for Max I would in a heart beat, if I could lose my voice and give it to Alex I would. My job though is to brush myself off and guide them through the mess. They are ok. We are ok. I am ok. Life is hard, but we get up and move on and fight hard.