7 years ago I lost my balance when Alex was born. It was my first big knock down in this life so it hit extra hard, and it took years for me to regain my balance. The past 2 years have been easy compared to the first years with Alex. Just a few months ago I found myself going weeks without worrying about Alex's health. I had perfected walking the RTS tight rope, and even found a way to throw in a dance step here and there to keep things interesting. Then January 8, 2015 I once again was knocked off balance. Max was diagnosed with T1D, and what took so many years to feel normal seemed so easy. A routine day may go like this. 7:00 am Max gets his long lasting insulin shot, I have to wake him up from a deep sleep and give him a shot, take his blood sugar and do the math to see how many units of insulin he will get after his carefully carb counted breakfast. Alex is up, I need to change his diaper, give him his Prevacid and other meds with breakfast, depending on the meal I will likely have to feed Alex myself. Breakfast for the other two no big deal. Alex poops, and who knows how but it's on the carpet too. Someone breaks the lamp, who cares. It's time for Max's 15-20 carb snack. He wants more, but he can't, he cries. I vacuum up the broken glass. Sit down, it's time for lunch. Test Maxs blood sugar, it's high, did he sneak a treat or is he getting sick? Did I mess up his insulin? Has he grown? So now he get an extra unit of insulin, I need him to eat all this food, good luck trusting your five year old to do that. Got it down, time for insulin. Tears. "Mom I don't want to, will it hurt?" He moves on, can I sit down? Alex pooped, he needs a bath. Is he getting enough attention? Are the others? I can't do this. I have to. It's time for dinner. Check blood sugar, it's low. How many units now, he has to eat. "Mom I don't feel good". Is it the diabetes? Is he just sick? Is he sad? Alex you can't go outside its too cold. I should read to him, he wants to be spun in his chair. Maxs blood sugar, he needs his insulin. Wrestling practice. Are the bigs ok, I don't think I've said one thing to them. I can't do this. I have to.