Thursday, December 6, 2012

In my minds eye.......................

In my minds eye I see this blog as a place to grieve, and a place to heal.


          There are times that I recognize a moment that isn't normal/typical for Alex. For example our family freezing at the Santa parade, yes parade, Alex hates parades. They are boring, and unless they can be constant marching bands they are pointless to him. When Alex is bored, he gets loud.       Since Alex doesn't speak words his loud is a series of growls, and moans. Add to the fact that it was FREEZING out, it was unpleasant to say the least. We stood there waiting for Santa. Not too far into the wait I heard the kids behind us mocking Alex. They were pretty young too, maybe 8? I was torn between holding them up against the bank wall by their throats, and yelling at their parents. Don't worry, I didn't do either. It was OK. We were OK. I have random feelings of anger, sadness, but there is hope, and so much more happiness. I don't grieve it. I AM OK. He is perfect. So yes, I recognize the moments things are different for us, for Alex. The grief is gone, this is normal.
I miss blogging though, so I'm going to change my perception of this place.
It is now a place where I will share happy moments, sad moments, and of course I will speak frankly about life with 4 kids, and life with Alex.
When Alex was first here with us I wanted so badly for him to be different. In my minds eye, I wanted my old life back. Life was HARD at first with the hospital stays, the feedings, oh my goodness the feedings, the throw up, the surgeries. I wanted to protect him, and I will be honest I wanted to protect myself. I cant even relate to that anymore. I know it was true, I can hardly believe that it was a truth for me.
These past five years I have been completely changed by this kid.

It is that time of year again. The local junior high kids are being asked to live a new way, see people differently. Click here to watch........

Thank you Turner students, I know so many of you will have Alex's back!

6 comments:

Skinners said...

So glad you are blogging again. Looking forward to seeing pictures.
Missed your post.

~Cindy

Tina Samson said...

Looking forward to reading your blog again! =) Welcome back!

Dorsey said...

So suprised to see you had put up a new post. I've missed your blog and reading about all those boys.
I too have had to deal with kids mimicking my G.T. (autistic respite care child I take care of)
and I know the hurt, the rage, the need to protect him that fills my heart. Looking forward to reading your posts again.

Loveday's Day said...

I've missed reading about Alex. Glad you are back.

Anonymous said...

So glad you are back. I do follow you on facebook, but I have missed your posts!

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