Thursday, December 31, 2009


This was Alex's first time out in the snow, and HE LOVED IT! He stayed out for 30 minutes, and would have stayed longer if I had let him. I am so glad that he didn't have sensory issues with it, he LOVED IT! It was so fun to see the three boys out enjoying something together, I'm elated!

Monday, December 28, 2009

Hugs from Alex

So I know you are sitting on the edge of your seat wondering how my visit to the NICU went this year!!!!
While I didn't get to see any of Alex's old doctors or his primary nurses. I did see a few nurses that had Alex one or two times, but that isn't why I went.
I went to see the parents.
One mom in particular was sitting on the couch at her child's bedside, and she just looked hopeless. Maybe she had just been given horrible news, maybe she was just exhausted from the many nights she had been up. Maybe this wasn't what she had hoped for, prayed for, or dreamed of.
She looked hopeless, and I looked her in the eyes, and smiled.
I wanted to reach out and hug her, but I'm not allowed in the rooms, so we just made eye contact, and she knew I had been there, on the couch without any hope.
All 57 babies got an ornament, and thanks to you all 57 mamma's have a glimmer of hope!

Christmas 2009

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Because of you........

I just want to thank all of you who took the time, to go out and buy ornaments this year. THANK YOU! I couldn't do this without you. Donating an ornament will bring a smile to a mothers tear stained face, will give a father hope, and help these parents not feel so alone. The hospital is one of the loneliest places on earth, nighttime and holidays are the worst. The ornament you gave is like a hug from you, so thank you! Thank you!
I tie these little Alex tags to each ornament, so they know that someone has been where they are, to give them hope.

I called the NICU to see how many babies are sick this Christmas....Right now 57 of the 60 beds are filled.....57!!!! Think of all the families you are giving hope to!

the ornaments are waiting by the door, tomorrow morning will be warming someones heart!
So thank you! You are a blessing for someone you don't even know!

This year I received over 60 ornaments! I am so excited! I have plenty to take with me, and any left over wont be left behind. They will be stored safely in their basket awaiting 2010. Babies who aren't even in their mamma's tummies yet, but will be sick next December have an ornament waiting for them! How awesome is that!

Monday, December 21, 2009


Just in case you haven't noticed, I'm really trying to push you to give this Christmas, not gifts, but time. Not Christmas choir songs, but time, here is the big one, saying Ill be praying for you doesn't cut it either, you have to be there, you have to give time, that's what counts.....I don't post these blogs to get apologies, or for you to feel sorry for me.
This is my life, this is what happened, these are my feelings.
I know first hand how people are feeling this morning as they wake to another day of doctors rounds, chest x-rays, and tests. I post this because if you haven't been there you cant know what its like, and if you don't know what its like, you probably don't think about it much..................Think about it!
BUMP...Repost, click below....

Sunday, December 20, 2009

Silent night

That's how it will be for many families this Christmas.

Only the sound of alarms, nurses talking, vents running, and doctors ordering, will fill the ears of many families this year. Its so loud, but its, so, so silent. (I cant believe how much Alex has changed since that video)

I remember those sounds very clearly. The sound of the oscillator shaking Alex's little body, the sound of the alarms when his o2 would drop to low, or his heart would beat too fast.

I remember listening to the nurses talking about what they would be doing when they got home that night, wishing so desperately that I could go home too.

I remember just being alone.

I was alone.

Being in the hospital with your sick child is a desperate place to be.

Don't wait for someone to ask you to come and visit them,

Don't assume they are surrounded.

Dont hope someone else is there.

Go visit someone in the hospital this Christmas, their nights are silent enough.

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

The junk

First Joel, then Alex, then me, now Max. We all have the junk. Joel is nearly better, Alex is in the middle of it and Max and I just started today. Better by Christmas? I hope so!

I cant do this either (REPOST)

Since Alex is sick I thought I woud bump back to some old posts, they might be old, but they are still true.

We are the same, I cant do this either.
Since I began this new normal, this incredible journey, this up hill climb, I have heard many people say "God never gives you more than you can handle", or "He chose you because He knew you could do a good job", and even "I know I couldn't raise a special needs child".
I hate to take the beauty out of those nice thoughts, but I cant handle this, I cant do this either. This is too big for me, but I have to do it.
Alex is my boy, of course I will do this, of course I will choose to handle this. I'm not some special creature that was created to do super things that others cant do.It seems people find relief in saying they couldn't do it, so that's why God hasn't given them a special needs child.
Like they get a free pass on raising a special child because they just know they couldn't handle it.I'm no different than those people who think they cant.
Well, the difference is I have to, and I choose to do the best I can.Don't treat me like I was chosen, or I am better, or stronger, because I'm not.
This is hard, I cant, I kick and scream, but I have to, so I will, and I will do the best I can every minute of everyday, not because I'm stronger or better, or can handle more, because I cant, but because I have to, so I will, and I will do the best I can.
We are the same.

Monday, December 14, 2009

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas...

Everywhere you go!!!
Take a look in the five and ten glistening once again With candy canes and silver lanes aglow. It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas Toys in ev'ry store But the prettiest sight to see is the holly that will be On your own front door. A pair of hopalong boots and a pistol that shoots Is the wish of Barney and Ben;

Dolls that will talk and will go for a walk Is the hope of Janice and Jen; And Mom and Dad can hardly wait for school to start again. It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas Ev'rywhere you go; There's a tree in the Grand Hotel, one in the park as well, The sturdy kind that doesn't mind the snow. It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas;

Soon the bells will start, And the thing that will make them ring is the carol that you sing Right within your heart..............
(Alex is still sick, in fact this adorable, happy picture of him was taken before he got sick. Not too many smiles right now. Lots of coughing, throwing up from congestion, and interrupted sleep. Joel's cough lasted a week, Alex's will probably last a bit longer, hoping we are better by Christmas.)