Thursday, October 8, 2009

Old wounds

I honestly thought many of my wounds from the time when Alex was born, and since his diagnosis were healed. I have found that they were just scabbed over. Since Max's arrival I have felt many wounds healing, listening to the lullaby music in the hospital, and watching my baby in the warmer beside me did not go unnoticed. I remember all to well feeling so empty, literally, my belly and my arms after Alex was born. But in the same hospital, with the same doctor, I got to do it again. It was healing.
I am thrilled to feed Max without a feeding tube, to go and come with my baby as I please. I'm not constantly thinking of how it should have been with Alex or hoping of what might be. When I look at Alex I don't see the RTS diagnosis staring back at me, I see my Alex. Alex is who he is, and I love every inch of that boy.
I appreciate the journey that has brought us to where we are today. It has been the hardest thing I have ever done, and will continue to do, but it has made us stronger, and we don't miss the little things. Instead of sitting up in the middle of the night with alarms, and nurses, Im up with a now smiling 3 and a half week old. Instead of wondering what the future holds for Alex, I see that he is going to be just fine.
As unplanned, and as scary as my pregnancy with Max was it has completed our family, and healed old wounds.

10 comments:

Steve+Marie Douglas said...

Praising God with you for that healing!

Finding Normal said...

Love it! I'm so glad the Peace has found you. And I know how much you are appreciating the normalcy, even though you're completely exhausted.

tomandcheryl said...

Beautiful, just beautiful. Your family is such a blessing and I just love Alex. He is so cute. Max, oh my. I could eat his chubby little cheeks. enjoy every moment.
~Cheryl

angie said...

The healing is a beautiful thing....and I understand it so very well. I'm so glad that Max and Alex are doing so well:). Hugs to you!

The VW's said...

What a blessing!!! I'm so happy for you!!

Kristi said...

I know what you mean. I am so happy for you. I kind of had a opposite thing happen when Nick was born. As much as I love having the "normalcy" I do admit I still ached for Noah and what we went through together. Max is beautiful.

Cathy said...

I love you words, Jessica! They are beautiful and your heart is also. Yes, Alex and all your boys are so perfect in each their own special way.

Anonymous said...

Healing has been a long time coming but you have come a long long way on your new kind of normal jouney. You have 4 beautiful boys to love and raise. You have many many joys ahead of you with each one of these precious lives you have been entrusted with. I love you, Jessica.

Aunt Mary

Cindy said...

Amen! I had exactly the same experience with Konrad's birth...it really helped me to not "resent" Natalie's condition. I feel that I am a completely different (better) mother to Natalie now that the wounds from Natalie's birth have healed, with Konrad's birth.

Kelly said...

I am so glad that you did not talk about some wounds from Max's delivery...I was about to be sicked out! HA

I get it! I had wounds from not be able to get pregnant and then the wounds from adopting a child with RTS. I feel so good to have them healed and love my baby girl like nothing I have ever felt. So glad we have each other to help us through.

Kelly