I honestly thought many of my wounds from the time when Alex was born, and since his diagnosis were healed. I have found that they were just scabbed over. Since Max's arrival I have felt many wounds healing, listening to the lullaby music in the hospital, and watching my baby in the warmer beside me did not go unnoticed. I remember all to well feeling so empty, literally, my belly and my arms after Alex was born. But in the same hospital, with the same doctor, I got to do it again. It was healing.
I am thrilled to feed Max without a feeding tube, to go and come with my baby as I please. I'm not constantly thinking of how it should have been with Alex or hoping of what might be. When I look at Alex I don't see the RTS diagnosis staring back at me, I see my Alex. Alex is who he is, and I love every inch of that boy.
I appreciate the journey that has brought us to where we are today. It has been the hardest thing I have ever done, and will continue to do, but it has made us stronger, and we don't miss the little things. Instead of sitting up in the middle of the night with alarms, and nurses, Im up with a now smiling 3 and a half week old. Instead of wondering what the future holds for Alex, I see that he is going to be just fine.
As unplanned, and as scary as my pregnancy with Max was it has completed our family, and healed old wounds.