Monday, June 15, 2009

Exhausted.

I'm exhausted from tube feedings, throw up, medications, therapy, 45 minute feedings three times a day, worry, upcoming surgeries, upcoming appointments. Wishing he would talk, hoping he will talk, hoping he understands me, wishing he could let me know. Worrying about others hurting him, wondering if I'm doing enough, the fussing, not knowing whats wrong, the fussing, not knowing how to help, waiting rooms, doctors guessing, the possible medical issues, the medical issues, the delay, insurance companies, medical bills, remembering how easy it used to be, holding back tears, missing friends, not having a church family, feeling sad when something great happens, worry, wondering, hoping, continuous care, fear, doctor appointments, waiting, wondering, disappointment, therapy, tube feeding, medications, surgeries, wishing he would talk, hoping he will talk......
I'm exhausted.

11 comments:

angie said...

Hang in there Jessica...I know it is so hard and SO exhausting!! I know for me it helped me after I had Owen. I know that you have other kids, but having a baby really helped me...and Emma. She has flourished amazingly since the birth of Owen.

Alex is doing AWESOME, and a huge reason for that is his fabulous Mommy!

Plus, you have every right to be exhausted...on top of all of the special needs stuff...you have 3 children and you are 27 weeks pregnant. You deserve to take 2-3 naps a day (yeah, I know...who has the time for THAT???).

Kenzie said...

Jessica-

As I read the comment above, I am SO THANKFUL that you have other mamas that understand what you are going through. I could sit here and say I can't imagine all of that (which I can't) because I haven't walked it. I have walked a different road but not the daily grind of doing all that you are. I know you have to be exhausted (and being pregnant of course adds A LOT TO THAT). I wish I were there to come by and help... to take the load off just for a bit. Just know that I think of you so much and am praying for you, all the boys and this sweet baby too. I love ya girl.

Finding Normal said...

Keep hanging in. I would write more, but one boy is a leech on my left, and my right leg is draped with a girl. Saying a prayer for you...

Lacey said...

I'm right there with ya babe. Jax has surgery tomorrow and I'm so tired I actually layed down today for a half hour, I never do that. I wish I had some wise ideas for us but I don't. just rest when you can and try not to worry about things with him you can't control. I know thats hard.

Brandi said...

Sending you a hug Jessica. Sometimes it's just hard to shut our minds off. Your fears are real and justified. I wish I could come and give you a much needed break so you could get some rest.

Love you friend.

Chris and Emily said...

hear you loud and clear-as always!! Praying for you - as always!!

Michelle said...

Lord, place your arms of strength adn peace around Jessica. She is exhausted, Lord and she needs the relief that only you can give. In Your Name I pray, Amen

Melanie said...

Holy cow we must be on the same wave length.....read my post...I am so there with you!

If you ever need anyone to rant to...you know where you can find me!!

Steve+Marie Douglas said...

PLEASE KNOW YOU ARE NEVER OUT OF OUR PRAYERS! Praying that HE will give you NEW STRENGTH, PEACE in the middle of the storms and GRACE to endure the winds that just come clashing & crashing up against us on our weakest mommy moments.
HE KNOWS how very tired you are!! HE is your source & it is always good to share your feelings. Cast all your cares on Him & WE WILL ALLCONTINUE TO BEAR THE BURDEN WITH YOU. HIS SPIRIT INTERCEDES ON YOUR BEHALF even when YOU are beyond words
LOVE MARIE (((((hugs)))))

The VW's said...

Caring for a child with so many needs and so many uncertainties IS EXHAUSTING!!! Plus, you are pregnant, which is exhausting all on it's own! Hang in there Jessica! Alex is doing great and so are you! I'll be praying and thinking about you! HUGS!!!

Staci said...

I can't even pretend to know all that you go through on a day to day basis. I know that although you never asked for Alex to have special needs, you do what you do because you are his mom and a mom's love has no boundaries (although exhaustion...especially while pregnant...does push those boundaries sometimes) :) I would say hang in there but it is easy to say (when not faced with your situation) and harder to do. Take it one day at a time. Celebrate making it through another day. Regardless of setbacks, Alex has the best mom for the job!