I remember the first time I felt my relationship shift with my older boys. It was the day of Alex's malrotation surgery. I had spent the night at home, and we had to leave early that morning to be there in time to see Alex off to surgery. Joel was on the floor of his bedroom, and he seemed mad at me, I was leaving again, and I didn't know when I would be back. I could tell he was upset, but I had to go, surgery wouldn't wait. I kissed his head with tears in my eyes, and told him I loved him, and left. I knew in that moment that things had changed, that the way it used to be was gone.
Noah and Joel you have adjusted to all the care that Alex needs. For the first year he took up all of my time, and you were ok with it. You have always been happy, sweet boys. You had lost something, but you did ok, and made it through that year smiling, and laughing.
They don't ask me to play, or to read anymore. They assume Ill be too busy with Alex, or too tired. They are used to me saying I cant. I miss our time together, I miss them asking.
Things have lightened up a bit, and as your mom I have to make the first move, start a new normal for you.
I'm sorry boys it has been such a change for you, and you have handled it like little men. Your spirits are still sweet, and laughter still fills your mouths. I have never stopped loving you, never stopped missing you. I love you both so much, and Im ready to hear you ask.
Lets go play......