Every once and a while I am reminded that it is hard to have a child with delays, who cant tell me what is wrong, what he wants, what he needs, what he is feeling. When do I call the doctor, when do I let it go?
This week Alex has spiked a fever in the evenings, on Monday and Tuesday he was grumpy all day, Wednesday he was himself, but still had a fever at night, and Thursday no fever, but he threw up after his last feed. Is he sick? Does he need to see a doctor? what should I do. With Noah and Joel I simply asked them what was wrong, or they simply came up to me and said their tummy hurt, or just that they were thirsty.
I just want to say does your tummy hurt, are you hungry, are you thirsty? Is it your teeth? Is it your throat? The fact is I don't know what is wrong, I can only guess, and be left wondering if I'm right, or if I have let him down again.
My instincts need to be right on at all times to take care of Alex, and meet his needs, the trouble is I'm not perfect, and sometimes I just guess, and lots of times I'm wrong.
It is so exhausting always wondering and guessing. And every once and a while I am reminded that this is so hard.
But, I have to keep guessing, and Ill keep messing up, but its just every once and a while.