I have reached a point where I am happy with everything surrounding Alex's diagnosis of RTS. Im at peace with it. Sure there are moments that sting, sometimes when I see another child his age, and I wonder what could have been, but then all it takes is one look at Alex, and I love it the way it is. Those moments that sting are so few these days, I can say I'm at peace.
BUT, can I be honest???
I don't want to have another baby with a syndrome, or major health issues. I don't want another NICU stay, I don't want to hand my baby over to a stranger for tests, and surgeries. I don't want a diagnosis. I have heard other moms say that they don't care if their baby has a diagnosis, but can I be honest? I cant say that, I do care, I don't want anything but healthy. I want milestones to be reached on time, I want to see my baby suck and swallow, breathe on its own, I don't want a geneticist anywhere near me or my baby, I don't want ventilators, I don't want Nitric oxide, I don't want helicopters, and neonatologist.
How can I say I love Alex just the way he is, but I don't want another child with anything but a typical diagnosis. I don't know how I can say it, but I can. If I can be honest.
In 10 days I will have my ultrasound. can I be honest? I don't want to have one at all, I could not go to the doctor at all, and live in blissful ignorance.
That's just if I can be honest..............