A year ago I didn't know if I could raise a child with special needs.Or, Ill be honest, i didnt want to. For the rest of my life, for as long as I can I would be caring for someone. Part of it was fear of the unknown, part of it was grief for Alex's future, part of it was grief for my own future.
So much has changed in a year, I don't look at other families with all typical children and wish that was me, no worries of health, getting irritated and my very mobile baby, and needing a night off. I don't secretly wish Alex wasn't who he is. I was so full of guilt a year ago, how could I love someone so much, and want them to be so different. I was angry at the isolation I was in, the lonely days and nights in the hospital.
A year ago, I was grieving, I was angry.
Today, I find myself walking past that typical mom, and imagine her thinking how lucky I am. I get to be Alex's mom, I get to have this blessing in my life, and for the rest of it! I find myself grateful for the future Alex has, what fun we will have, taking each day in like its all new everyday.
As we keep moving into this second year of Alex's life, and as I move into the 30th year of mine, I am honored, and proud to be the mother of Alex, and all that comes with him. There is no grief!
When I watch the video below about Alex's first year of life
I remember the pain I felt especially in those first few months, but that's all, I just remember it.
Alex first year 2007-2008
Here's to turning 30, to change, and the deepest love I have ever known!!