Wednesday, March 4, 2009

A year ago

A year ago I didn't know if I could raise a child with special needs.Or, Ill be honest, i didnt want to. For the rest of my life, for as long as I can I would be caring for someone. Part of it was fear of the unknown, part of it was grief for Alex's future, part of it was grief for my own future.

So much has changed in a year, I don't look at other families with all typical children and wish that was me, no worries of health, getting irritated and my very mobile baby, and needing a night off. I don't secretly wish Alex wasn't who he is. I was so full of guilt a year ago, how could I love someone so much, and want them to be so different. I was angry at the isolation I was in, the lonely days and nights in the hospital.

A year ago, I was grieving, I was angry.

Today, I find myself walking past that typical mom, and imagine her thinking how lucky I am. I get to be Alex's mom, I get to have this blessing in my life, and for the rest of it! I find myself grateful for the future Alex has, what fun we will have, taking each day in like its all new everyday.

As we keep moving into this second year of Alex's life, and as I move into the 30th year of mine, I am honored, and proud to be the mother of Alex, and all that comes with him. There is no grief!
When I watch the video below about Alex's first year of life
I remember the pain I felt especially in those first few months, but that's all, I just remember it.
View this montage created at One True Media
Alex first year 2007-2008


Here's to turning 30, to change, and the deepest love I have ever known!!

18 comments:

Following Him said...

HAPPY 30th Birthday girlfriend. I love your new insight on life :)
~Elyse~

Kelly said...

Girl you made it! I am so proud to call you my friend!
Happy Birthday dear friend!

Kelly W.

Kelly said...

So much change in a year! I am so happy for you!

HAPPY 30TH BIRTHDAY!

See ya in a few days! Kelly F

Our Journey said...

happy 30th!! im dreading that day, just a few more months!!

the video was awesome!! i guess i never ran across it before.. very beautiful Jessica!

Rebecca Jo said...

I dont think we ever realize how strong we are until we are put in a situation!

Happy Birthday!!!

boltefamily said...

WOW! That is all I can say. I have been so blessed by you and your family. Thank you for sharing your journey!

Anonymous said...

Happy 30th Jess! I'm very proud of you and what you have done to make the world a better place! You have a great heart & soul and I am praise God for seeing a miracle within your family. God Bless you and best wishes for many more wonderful birthdays to come!

~Jill Painter

Christine said...

Happy Birthday Jessica. you inspire me in everything you do. What a year of self-discovery. I'm very proud of you.

Michelle said...

Happy Birthday Sista!

nola said...

You truly do have your hands on a miracle, Jessica. God is fulfilling His purpose through Alex already and what a beautiful purpose it is. So many lives have been blessed through Him and you and your family. You have come through so much and now are receiving many blessings that are yours every day through life with precious Alex. I can see why God chose you to be Alex's mommy. He knew He could trust you with His gift of love. Happy Birthday!

Terri H-E said...

Excellent! Happy birthday. Addie and I really enjoyed the video - we both recognized some of the photos from getting to know Alex here - that was fun.

See you in a couple days!

trista said...

Welcome to the Club...Happy 30th!! Insane isn't it?

Michelle said...

Happy 30th! I didn't know today was a BIG birthday! =)

Cindy said...

Happy Birthday! Congrats on the journey...

And 40 is even better than 30. ;)

Do you believe me? :)

Marissa said...

Ahhhhh, to be in a place of acceptance, love and joy. Definitely a wonderful place to be. I hated being bitter!

Happy Birthday!!

Alicia

Tena said...

Happy 30th!! It's a fresher feeling, no? *hugs*

angie said...

Happy Birthday Jessica! I loved this post and the video...you've come so far, and you are doing an amazing job! As one of our doctors always says, "Keep on keepin' on"! Hope you have a GREAT day!

Cathy said...

Happy Birthday, Jess! So proud of you and how far you have come. Praying for you and your growing family.