This pregnancy seems so eerily familiar. I was this far along with Alex, it was cold, I was sick. I had my first doctor appointment in February. Then, I was blissfully unaware of what was to lie ahead. Now I know so much, I know that doctor appointments, and ultrasounds aren't perfect predictors. I want to relax, and enjoy, I know I need to, I know, I know.
All I can think about when things slow down is that lullaby music the hospital plays every time a baby is born. Will I get to have my baby in my arms this time, each time the music plays. Will it haunt me? Will it make me smile?
Will I have to wipe my neck with a transport towel so the baby can smell me, when I'm not there? I'm torturing myself, but I just know too much.
Tomorrow I go to the doctor, I will have an ultrasound at 9:45, I will hear and see the beating heart. I want to enjoy it. This is just all too familiar.
So I try to focus on my days, on my boys, its not hard...........