Monday, January 26, 2009

short femurs, anxiety attacks, and passing out on ultrasound tables.

I cant do this again.......
Well, I see that my little bird got onto the computer again. He's done it before, but I usually catch him before he can spill any of our family habits and secrets to the whole world. Ive just been so tired lately that I didn't hear him get out of his crib this time..............................




Yes, its true, we are going to have another baby, and I'm in sure denial.


I just cant believe it.


Is it true, maybe not, maybe the two tests were wrong.


4 kids, can I do it? Can I tube feed, and nurse a new born.


Will I get to nurse a new born, or will I be staring at it through the plastic of a incubator.


I don't think I can stand to go to the ultrasound, maybe I can stay home for that.


I'm sure that I will anxiety attack, and pass out on the table, and Ive never had an anxiety attack before.


So, those are my thoughts, I cant believe it, I know too much about short femurs, the chambers of hearts, spinal issues, fat pads (on the top of the back), clinched fists, will the intestines make into the right place, will they make it in? (phew)..........




I want to be excited. I'm just scared to be. I want to be ignorant and pregnant again, you know when all the ultrasound means is finding out what you are having, and seeing how far along you are. I didn't know they were measuring bones, and fluids, and counting chambers, and making sure organs are all intact and inside. Now I know.........




In other news, Alex is eating better than he ever has! He is leaning in for all bites, taking in about an ounce of solid food each feed. His favorite things are mashed potatoes, carrots, sausage, and pears. He can even handle chunks of pears mixed in with the sauce, chunks about the size of half a dime, and no gagging. He is taking bits of gerber cookies, and chewing them up, again, no gagging! He seems to enjoy it, and want it! I guess Alex is taking on the roll of big brother serious!

20 comments:

Finding Normal said...

Congrats again.
My husband has been talking more and more about another baby. I'm so stuck. I ache for one, but I'm so so afraid of going through it all again. I don't know what your recurrence rate is, but ours is so low, like 2%. But I just feel like we would be in that 2%. Or I would end up miscarrying. Again.
Anyway, I'm praying for you. And I'm right there with you, except not yet. Trust God.

Following Him said...

CONGRATS girl!!! You will do just fine with another baby! Alex will adjust and you guys will work out all the logistics then too! Have a great Monday :)
~Elyse~

Hope said...

Bless your heart! I know you're scared and it's natural. I have faith that this baby will be a healthy, beautiful addition to your family. Alex will be a wonderful big brother.

Cathy said...

First off, I am so glad Alex is eating better, including chuncks! Anything that can take any stress off of you is GREAT! Also, congrats on your new one, praying that each step you will take and the news be good. We will all be here for you as you go through your new journey and hopefully find the peace and energy to continue on your current one.

Chris and Emily said...

Way to go Alex!!!!

I totally missed your Friday announcement. Congratulations. Praying rignt now for your new little one and your heart and mind through it all.

Rebecca Jo said...

Just saw your announcement...

I think its completely normal to feel nervous & anxious... but its going to be alright! No matter what happens - its going to be alright! You're going to have another blessing in your life... Alex is going to be a big brother... its going to be fun to watch him grow into that role!

YOU CAN DO IT!!!!

Tena said...

Your feelings bring back all my feelings when pregnant with Avery. Pregnant with Declan and now this one...not anxious, but pregnant for the first time after RTS was nerve-wracking. I will be thinking of you, and praying for you. *hugs*

Shari said...

I can only imagine the feelings you are having right now. I think it's normal to be very nervous! I will continue praying for you.

The VW's said...

Praying that you can remain at peace throughout this pregnancy!

Great job eating Alex!!! What's the secret? Gavin and I could use some advice! It must be that awesome palate that your momma was refering to?! (You are too funny Jessica!) Gavin may have a good palate, but he has a very narrow airway!

Hope you are feeling well!

Molly said...

Jessica:
I am truly speechless, but so extremely excited for you. As you have done with your journey with Alex take one day at a time and try to enjoy this pregnancy. Until the Dr. tells you something is wrong trust in God, and just be happy. I'm praying for this new baby already!!!

PS Dr. Putman is in Springfield and we really do like him!!

Ally in Wonderland said...

Just relax sweetheart! It's going to be fine and I think you know that deep down. God will only give you what you can handle, no more. Plus, you have us!! :)

angie said...

Yeah for chunks Alex...what a huge milestone that is:).

Thinking of you every day Jessica! This baby is going to give you back that Naitivity (is that a word?? sounds good to me) of parenting back. Plus, Alex is going to be the best big brother ever!!

I completely understand the worries though...it's completely natural after all you've been through. HUGS!

Melissa said...

First let me say congratulations. Alex will have so many wonderful things to teach #4.
As far as the anxiety, I was right there with you. I tried so hard to view my pregnancy through my husband's eyes. Ignorance truly is bliss. I always stared at the ultrasound screen trying to look for what maybe wrong. It is okay to worry. I think it is best to acknowledge your fears, but still enjoy the miracle of pregnancy. No one is given a guarantee, so we must enjoy life as it comes. Oh, and like everyone else said, everything is going to be fine, the most boring pregnancy ever.
Melissa (AnnaKate's SLP)

ANewKindOfPerfect said...

Oh my gosh, how exciting! I can only imagine how scared and nervous and anxious and excited you are, all at the same time.

I am SO excited to read about Alex eating! That is amazing. He sure is doing great!

Corie said...

I have never posted, but have been following your blog for awhile. I am friends with sweet Tamara and Abby. I have been blessed by your story. Praying for you! I am sure there are many thoughts, but praying that the Lord will give you that peace that surpasses all understanding.

Sawyer said...

That's so great that Alex is eating better, what a victory for you!

I think it's only natural to have some anxiety with this pregnancy, but things will go well! We are all excited for you. Hoping for a boring pregnancy and that morning sickness will go away soon!

Mashel said...

Congratulations Jessica. I am sure that this new baby will be completly blessed to have such a wonderful family. And who knows.... maybe you will get a girl!

boltefamily said...

HOLY COW! I have taken a little bit of a break from the blog world and somehow I missed this post! CONGRATULAIONS! I am so excited for you and yet I do understand a bit of the fear...especially the ultrasound thing...I battle a panic attack with each one and mine have been frequent! I will be praying for this new little one! Prasing God for this gift!

Heather Devino said...

That's awesome news Jess. I also believe God will not give you more than you can handle and each child is a blessing in his (or HER) own way. Just think...you might get a little girl. How exciting! Congratulations to you and Adam.

connie said...

One day at a time, sis. If anyone now knows that God knows exactly what He is doing with our lives and with which children He chooses to give us, you do! He won't fail you. Just look at the three perfect boys He's given you already! It's so obvious that you are one of God's favorites! :)