Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Teaching anonymous about real, unconditional love.......PRICELESS

Signing into my blog, and reading all of those comments while "I got my hands on a miracle played in the background" gave me goose bumps...........This post is for every last one of you and your miracles! For each of you who may not have children or have typical children, but have a special place in your heart for these special miracles. This post is for you. It is also for you anonymous, look at the comments on the last post, these little miracles are alive, blessing the world with their every breath, and some of them have moved on from this life, but are still touching us with the lives they were able to live even for a short while.

As I did my daily check on Monday morning on the blogs I love to read, and
I (got to Abby Grace's blog, and I saw what anonymous had said to Tamara,) I was speechless. This person had the nerve to tell Tamara that she should have had an abortion. This person thinks that because precious Abby doesn't talk, or run, or take gymnastics that she isn't a blessing, that she cant feel love? That her life doesn't count? I am hurt that there are people out there that don't see value in our children because they aren't typical, because they have medical issues. This person actually called Tamara selfish because she didn't have an abortion.

The greatest gift is love,
Our children know what love is, they know what it is to be held, and comforted. Our children know love, they share love, we can see it in their eyes.

I knew something was wrong with Alex when he was inside me, I cant explain how I knew. The doctors told me everything was fine, I even had an amniocentesis to ease my need to know mind. I could have ended the pregnancy, and not risk having a child with special needs. I wouldn't have to tube feed, or go to all the therapy, and doctor appointments, I wouldn't have to wait on surgery after surgery to be over. I could have chosen to get an abortion, but it wasn't my life to take, and that was my very much alive child inside of me, and I would not be the one to stop his strong beating heart just so there wouldn't be tubes, and vents, and therapy, and special care. I didn't have an abortion, and now the world is blessed by Alex, warmed by Alex, made better by Alex.

Taking care of a special needs child is the absolute hardest thing on earth to do. It is continuous, minute by minute giving of your self. There isn't a drop of selfish in having a special needs child.

It is the greatest act of love, to smile and tell your child you love them so so much, and not get any response back,

It is the greatest act of love, to teach your child how to hold a crayon knowing good and well they will never write you a letter.

It is the greatest act of love to give your child tastes of food, just so they can experience it, knowing good and well they will never eat by mouth.

It is the greatest act of love to take your special needs child out to a party or the zoo knowing good and well they don't "enjoy" it like the other kids.

It is the greatest act of love to look your child in the eyes and talk to them, read them books, even though they cant be reached.

It is the greatest act of love to wrap your arms around your child, even though they don't hug back.

It is the greatest act of love to describe to them the color of the sky, the color of the leaves, because they cant see.

It is the greatest act of love to learn an entire new language because they cant talk, or hear.

It is the greatest act of love to wheel them to the park, because they cant walk.

It is the greatest act of love to choose life for them because they are living, precious, human beings.

It is the greatest act of love to get up everyday and do it all over again,
not because you are selfish anonymous,
but because you love that very special, precious, valuable, priceless, beautiful, uniquely perfect, gift that is your child, that gift is
Alex, Abby, Gavin, Maddox, Cohen, Poppy, Jacob, Addison, Will, Natalie, Max, Caden, Logan, Asher, Isaac, Annabel, Eva, Eliot, Madeline, Elijah, "peanut", Joshua, Addie, Sophie, Corey, Melissa, Frankie, Sawyer, Noah, Matthew, Emma, Austin, Hannah, AnnaKate, Mallorie, Magdalena, Mary Grace, Issac, Marissa, Zachary, Dakota Rose, Juliana, Kevin, Curtis, Lucy, Carpenter, Makily, Lillian, Philip, each and everyone of you who left a comment on the last post and so many more.

All of these children are changing the world, they are making people smile, they are a continuous reminders of what unconditional love is. That is what this world needs. It is what you need anonymous.
Don't tell me that these sweet babies names I just listed only deserved to have their lives ended because they are differently abled. Each one of these children represent love, sacrifice, and everything that is pure, innocent and good.


karen said...

you just made me cry..... in a good way, thank you! had a hard day with Lucy.
your words always make me smile.

Shari said...

I have several feelings and emotions running around right now. I, too, am speechless that someone would say that. My child was born seemingly normal at 34 weeks then got extremely sick and that's what caused his special needs. I KNOW that his needs are nothing compared to some of you and the struggles you have with your precious babies. Thank you for posting this the way you did. I have tears of joy and tears of sorrow for those that have to endure nasty comments!

Marissa said...

I have absolutely no words for what I felt when I read what anonymous said, or how Tamara and you responded.

Would it be ok to link to this post on my blog? I feel the need to share this very important message.


Chrissy said...

Thank you for this post! So perfectly written!

ChelleyD said...

Well said, tears streaming down my face. One SN Mom to another.

boltefamily said...


Kelly said...

I am so glad our children were born to us and not anonymous. God is good.

The VW's said...

As if I weren't emotional enough today! Well said dear friend! You are a blessing!

Anonymous said...

That was beautiful and so, so true. May you continue to be blessed with such an amazing sense of love and peace.

nola said...

That was absolutely a beautiful response to a very cold comment by anonymous. You were a voice for all of us, Jessica. Thanks for your sensitivity and for putting into words what many of us feel. You have been gifted in such a wonderful way and you don't even know what a blessing you are to so many of us. Thanks from my heart.

Kenzie said...


Thank you so much, dear friend, for including my Maddox in your list of precious children... he indeed did change our life in that brief moment of life here, and continues to do as God's faithfulness is revealed through his story... Just as it is through YOUR story and ALEX's story... Ultimately because they are all GOD'S stories.

I love you and am so blessed by your honesty, your dedication, and your true love!

Love you.

Bobbie said...

Very well said!

Jacqui said...

Hi Jessica
I was so moved by your post for 2 reasons. Firsty because your words about the greatest acts of love were so touching. And secondly because my heart was deeply stirred about the debate that Anonymous' comment has started. I had to respond, but I didn't want to clog up your comments section, so I have posted my thoughts on this subject on my blog: http://matthewtooke.blogspot.com/2008/11/what-is-life-about.html

Laurie said...


It is for this very reason that God chose all of you beautiful moms to care for "His Treasures", your beautiful children. My heart hurts for the children who did not have strong moms capable of being selfless and willing to venture into the unknown. I admire each and every one of you and have prayed for many of the babies in your list. They are so valuable and have taught me so much about myself by reading about them. THEY have changed MY heart by your willingness to share them with us. I have healthy children and grandchildren and I am thankful. I pay forward my gratitude by praying for all of you and realizing my future could change at any moment. Jesus understands the ignorance of annonymous and this person needs Jesus. I for one, will continue to pray for all these little "Gods Warriors" and continue to be blessed to see answers to prayers. I do not walk in your shoes, but I walk along side you in my birkenstocks:) We are to love one another as Christ loves us. I love all of you and lift you and your blessed children up to Him. God does not make mistakes. He weeps over the mistakes of ignorant people, not innocent children. May we all continue to learn who He really is through them.

Much Love and Admiration, Laurie in Ca.

Myssie said...

I have no words...

Only that I feel sorry for anonymous, that he/she doesn't know or will never know true love.

Cindy said...

Thanks for expressing the answer to Anonymous so well, on behalf of the rest of us!

But this is why I don't allow anonymous comments on my blog any more. I don't have time to be depressed by the mean things people say when they can say it without me knowing who they are...not that I judge anyone who allows anonymous comments...they just aren't for me!

Cathy said...

Jessica, Your writing is beautiful and so heartfelt, thank you.
Also to ANONYMOUS, if your are reading this, I pray that you would continue to visit these precious childrens blog daily and that through them God will touch you and breakthrough that shell so you may see the goodness of His creation.

Taylor said...

This was a beautiful post! I always say the same thing as you to my husband, when I encounter a person living in ignorance or ugliness. And that always makes me say, they are UNFORTUNATE to NOT have a blessing like a special needs child! They give us of an amazing love, joy and the GIFT of appreciating all the small things in life that most people don't notice or take for granted! I also have the song "Amazing" on my daughter's website and it made me cry when it played on yours, just like it does on mine! This is a wonderful tribute to your son! God Bless-
Shannon L. Normal, IL

By the way, your sister in law, Mindy gave me your blog site and I am glad she did! Adam is very lucky to have you as a wife and the mother of his beautiful children!

Tina said...

Thank you so much for standing up for all of our wonderful children. It's so sad that people are so ignorant to say such hurtful words. Hopefully, for their sake, one day they too will understand how to appreciate the tiny miracles we witness everyday.

not up to code said...

I just ran across your blog from CF Husband. The first thing I did was to go back to the beginning, the day you started blogging when you were scared and didn't know what all this meant. Then I read this post and it is just amazing the transformation that has taken place - from a scared and lonely mommy to a bold statement about how every life is precious and worth protecting and fighting for. This is truly a transformation that only God could orchestrate.

ANewKindOfPerfect said...

I am bawling here, trying to see through my tears to the screen. You have summed up everything I think. I hope that "anonymous" has read up enough to realize that s/he is the one missing out. Our children are SO amazing, and SUCH blessings to our lives. Obviously s/he doesn't have such a miraculous being in their house.

Corie said...

What an incredible post! Im not sure if I have commented before, but I have been following your blog. I live in Colorado and am friends with Tamara. The comment she got was so shockingly insensitive and yet you both have responded so well. Everyone should know that these children are EXACTLY what God wanted. To bad they don't open their eyes to the miracle they are. You are an amazing mommy. I pray for you and your strength as I know there can be hard days...but they are worth it! You are a very special mommy and you love WELL!

dreambuilder87 said...

I've been reading yours and Tamara's blogs and the responses from so many. I've been profoundly moved to tears for the witness each one of you has posted and the difficulties each parent has endured, and yet you each see your children, no matter what the challenge, as the most precious gift from God. I/we have been blessed with 5 healthy children, and 6 beautiful granddaughters; 5 of which are "normal" and 1, Marissa, who is a "new kind of normal". I have sat for hours in the NICU with my daughter and son-in-law, watching Marissa holding on to life. PaPa took time off from work to be with Alicia (my daughter) and our son-in-law to wait for a decison for heart surgery to be made. He cried himself to sleep that night. I was composed and strong for Alicia when she told me of Marissa's crying spell that caused her oxygen levels to plumate to 8. I cried later knowing the incresed chance of brain damage. We've prayed and initiated church prayer chains numerous times for Marissa's several procedures and a few surgeries and also for those Alicia has informed us of that need prayers. But this is only a small window into what you and the other families experience on a day to day basis. And yet, each of you has been sustained by God's grace, love and strength to take care of and love these precious little souls that God has given to you to care for. I believe there is a purpose and reason for everything that happens in life. I wonder if the purpose of Anonymous's comments was to give so many a chance to re-affirm your own faith and reliance on God, and to turn and witness to someone who has either turned away from God, or who has never known God. We never know what profound impact this may have on those that read these comments. God bless each family and keep your precious children in the loving palm of His hand. Thank you for giving me the chance to share and be a part of your lives in a small way. I will continue to pray.

Anonymous said...

Thanks for your post. (I'm Marissa's aunt and Alicia's sister)

My mom also made a comment here (dreambuilder87) and I also remember what it was like to sit with my sister and hear the news of yet another surgery or another intubation. I could NEVER imagine what life would be like without my Rissa Roo. She is so wonderful and continues to teach us lesons we may have never known.

God gave you Alex and us Marissa because he knows we can give them love and life.

It kills me up that there are people out there that would say anything about a child's life.

God bless you and your family. You are truly a blessing yourself for not taking the hard way out.


Long's Joyful Journey said...

Perfectly written! Thanks! Crying!

Princess Abigail said...

hear hear hear!!!

How beautifully put!

Our children are all miracles.

I love reading all about yours.

thank you for sharing

The Bernard Bunch

Melanie said...

people are just ignorant. And unfortunately some of them get off by saying mean and horrible things. Lets just count our blessings and hope that she is never given the opportunity that we have. To have incredible little people in our lives. she will never be able to experience the joys we do. Its just a shame she was able to voice her opinion.

Rebekah said...

Thank you for this. As much as I would like for Ricky to NOT have CF and his other challenges, the thought of not having him at all devastates me. How can anyone say that it is better for him to never have lived at all? :(

Food Chaining said...

Well said...the only emotion you and all of us need to feel for anonymous is truly, and I mean this with a gentle voice, not anger... pity. How sad it is to be so small inside, to have eyes that do not see the beauty, the reflections of God in the faces and eyes of all of His children. No life is a waste or disposable. We must thank God for allowing us to know these things.
This act, without the courage to put a name to it, must be a reflection of a damaged and twisted soul who has tried to inflict that pain on the rest of us and failed. We need to chose prayers for that person as he or she is tortured by something dark. Yes, pity is the word I chose.
Alex brings me joy every time I see him, I have joy when I see his name on my schedule and when he smiles my heart sings. He is the bright light of my professional life! And I love him with all my heart. I only hope some day I will know Tamara and her family too and receive the gift of knowing her bright light too.

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