This was taken when Alex was 6 days old (Sep 13, 2007), he had just come off of the oscillator, and put on the vent. He was also taken off the medications that were keeping him sedated so he was starting to open his eyes, and look around. This also meant that he could cry, when a baby cries on a vent it is silent, and hard to watch. The first time I left him in St.Louis to come home and visit my older boys I started talking to him and telling him that I was leaving, and he started to silently cry, that did not help me leave. I left in tears. I still had not held him, and would be another 8 days before I would. Because he had pulmonary hypertension, any handling could have made it worse, so he was a minimally handled baby for two weeks.
The alarm you hear in the background is his vent alarm, I would hear that noise in my head when I would come home. Since I was able to sleep in Alex's NICU room I heard vent alarms, and monitor alarms around the clock. They say there is such a thing as NICU psychosis, I believe I was there.
I wish that we had taken more video of him in the NICU, but at the time I did not want to remember any of it, so this is all we have.