Wednesday, April 19, 2017

Belly laughs

As time passes I learn to accept my defeats with my head up.
Not every smile is genuine, and not every touch is filled with love.
Having people surrounding me doesn't always mean I am rich, and today is all I have because plans have a way of falling apart, and nothing is certain.
I've learned that even when I am cold the fire can burn me.
Words are not contracts, and I am beginning to recognize that laughter, real, deep belly laughter can chain me to a soul more than the touch of a hand.
I don't know how to sit still with a quiet mind, but I have learned to be easy on myself.
I have learned that I am strong, and I can rise, and just like a star is created from a cosmic storm I can become even stronger, and brighter despite.
Life is hard, genuine people are few.
Cherish the belly laughs

Monday, April 3, 2017

Accept defeat then get back up

The past 6 months have been hard on me. I have been tired, overworked, and learning about this life, and the people in it. Today is day one of prioritizing what is important to me correctly. Family, fitness, school, work. In that order.
You are only defeated if you don"t get back up. 

Friday, March 31, 2017

A Stranger who changed my life #payitforward

I haven't told the story of the stranger who changed my life. I don't know her name, I don't know where she is, I don't know if she is even alive.
What she did for me is having a domino effect on me, my family, and the people I care for as a nurse.
As quickly as a drop of water becomes lost in the puddle, this stranger changed the path of my life.

My son had been out of the NICU from his 6 week fight for life for exactly one month, and we were back in the hospital. I was running on no sleep, and saw in front of me and my boy a future of hospital stays, diagnosis, therapy, and sickness. No doctors had answers, and I didn't even know what questions I had.

The stranger, she walked in on her rounds. Her patient, my son. Six weeks old with aspiration pneumonia. She checked his respirations, his SPO2, blood pressure, and pulse. The room was dark, and quiet. I was bedside, crying, hard with no sound. I felt absolutely alone, and defeated. I was desperately tired, and nothing was how it was supposed to be. She assessed her patient, and left the room. I'm guessing she charted her assessment, monitored her other patients.
It was the middle of the night. She probably hadn't been to the bathroom in hours, she was likely hungry, her feet hurt, and she was ready to get home to sleep. She could have taken a break, she could have sent her friend a text, she could have sat down to rest her feet, and finish her charting, but she didn't..........
I heard the wheels rolling down the hall before I saw her hand reach out in front of me. I looked up, and that stranger, in her scrubs, my sons nurse reached for my hand, and stood me up. She unfolded the small cot, put on the sheet, and put the pillow down. She guided me to the bed, and helped me lay down. That stranger covered me up, and our eyes locked. We spoke no words, and she left. I fell to sleep immediately. She ended her shift, and I have never seen her again.

Now here I am in my late thirties a nurse, working my way up. Now I get to be the stranger, everyday I go to work, I get to be the stranger. No words spoken, like a drop of water lost in the puddle creating a ripple effect, and an instant transformation.

Wednesday, March 29, 2017

The space between

There are the moments in our lives that we make snapshots of that live in our memories forever.
The pain, the beautiful, the lovely, the horrifying, all snapshots in our minds.
Then there is the space between, the usual, the biggest part of our journey.
The space identified as no longer, and not yet.
The space between where we are, and where we want to be.
In this space is where our response to the ordinary holds our opportunity to grow.
Most of the time this space feels like a hiatus, other times it feels like we have no control, but in these spaces are our opportunities to grow, and know change is coming. This space can be terrifying, this space can be mundane, and this space can be full of clutter.
The space between.
The smiles we smile, the laughter shared, the tears we cry, the hope, the disappointment, the joy.

The moments in between the seconds.