Friday, July 14, 2017

If it should have, it would have.

Sometimes that is a hard lesson to learn.
When Alex was born I was so concerned with his brothers feeling left out.
There is a saying in the world of differently abled parenting and their siblings "if they are special what am I?" As time has passed I see that my boys have learned, and grown to roll with the punches, and to do it with kindness.
No routine necessary.
Teaching them to accept, then act, and continue to move forward just might be the greatest success I have in life. Throw in type one diabetes and we have learned to roll with the punches, and love each other during the process.......



Sunday, July 2, 2017

There is still magic in his eyes.

Sleep is a constant battle for me. I crave it, and it always seems to be just out of my reach. It has become a time when monstrous thoughts swarm my mind. Of course there are the simple thoughts of furthering my career, the classes I still need to take, the classes I'm in, the grades I need to make.
The biggest monster.........My boys. The normal worries that come just being a mom, you want them to succeed, do their best, explore new things, but most of all find a true inner peace, and live a happy life. Then come not only the ugliest monster thoughts, but they are a very real reality. I will jolt awake at night and wonder if Max is still breathing. Has his blood sugar dropped so low he couldn't wake up, and nature takes over from there. The medical field calls this dead in bed syndrome. Every morning I walk quietly into his room, my mind racing between shut-up he is fine to is his chest rising and falling? Day 901 of life since diagnoses.
Earlier this week he begged for a "army police" costume. He wears it constantly, his eyes light up. For no reason what so ever it hit me while I watched him play that he will never be in the army. They don't allow type one diabetics to be. Also on the list: pilot, truck driver, fire fighter........I know there are more, but it literally makes me sick to type it. We always tell our kids they can be whatever they set their minds up to be, the sky is the limit. How in the world will I ever tell him, his diabetes T1D is the limit?
 For now, my job is to keep those eyes of his lit up with magic, and hope.  So, I am up in the middle of the night with these thoughts, watching the rise and fall of his chest.
#typeonediabetes #T1D

Wednesday, May 31, 2017

The Longest Wave

The longest wave....... Life has waves, ups and downs. That space in between each wave can be brief, but when it hurts, it feels like an eternity. The beauty of this song is the hard reality that relationships are not always what they seem.  Losing people hurts, losing people we never dreamed would not be there. "A seamless little team and then we tanked, I guess were not so sacrosanct". Foundations are not always as strong as we thought, and friendships will end suddenly. It will stop you in your tracks, and knock you to the ground.  The other side to this are the friendships, and relationships that remain despite the monsters. Those people are family sometimes by blood, sometimes simply because they are still there. I am so thankful for those in my life who are still there. I love you.





Throw me all around
Like a boomerang sky
Whatever you do
Don't tell me why
Poppies grow tall
Then say bye bye
The wave is here

A seamless little team
And then we tanked
I guess we're not so sacrosanct
The tip of my tongue
But then we blanked
The wave is here
Waiting on the wind
To tell my side

Ready set jet
But she never gets far
Listen to your skin
From the seat of my car
Two centipedes stuck
In one glass jar
The longest wave
Waiting on the wind
To tell my side

Whatcha want
Whatcha need
Do you love

Maybe I'm the right one
Maybe I'm the wrong
Just another play, the pirate, and the papillon
Time to call it a day

Maybe you're my last love
Maybe you're my first
Just another way to play inside the universe
Now I know why we came

Sterile as the barrel
Of an old 12 gauge
Under my skin
And half my age
Hotter than the wax
On a saxifrage
The longest wave
Waiting on the wind
To turn my page

Steady your sails
For the butterfly flap
Whatever you do
Don't close that gap
I'm dreaming of a woman
But she's just my nap
Your ship is in
Waiting on the tide so I can swim

Whatcha want
Whatcha need
Do you love

Maybe I'm the right one
Maybe I'm the wrong
Just another play, the pirate, and the papillon
Time to call it a day

Maybe you're my last love
Maybe you're my first
Just another way to play inside the universe
Now I know why we came